-This page includes letters written in Vermont regarding the Civil Unions Issue and current expansion among the homosexual community-

How Does One Become Gay?

Dear Editor

Parents need to be aware that some schools, even daycare, after school care, and some camps and clubs are priming our children for recruitment in a homosexual life style. Some children are more at risk than others.

"Donella 'Dana' Meadows once pointed out in an article published the year before her premature death that humans are born “sexual,” –the hetero-, homo-, etc. comes later, as each individual develops his or her own identity. And yes, that identity is not easy, although not impossible, to change at some later stage; e.g. thousands of ex-homosexuals testify to having successfully done so.

"Studies have shown that sexual orientation differentiation is nurtured and reinforced at various stages during a child’s development as life experiences take on pivotal, or peripheral, significance for each individual. Hence children can be guided, by intention or default, toward whatever sexual orientation their developmental experiences lead them. These experiences include perceptual, cognitive and conceptual learning, along with concomitant emotional content –including desire, or repulsion.

"The influence, or lack of influence, of significant persons in children’s lives is of paramount importance in this process, largely determining the choices, decisions, and application of values involved in the ongoing day-to-day life experiences –e.g. which desires to pay attention to and reinforce, and which to reject until they are eventually extinguished. A clincher would be the experience of homosexual molestation (or experimentation), which has the effect of imprinting upon the mind a connection between sexual desire and homosexual behavior, leaving an imprint that can haunt an individual throughout life. Parents first (male & female), then relatives, teachers, clergy, peers, media role models –all in varied and ever-changing order –impact on the developmental experiences of the child: some positively, some negatively.

"Most at risk, it seems, are children from broken or dysfunctional homes, where at least one parent is physically absent, virtually nonfunctional, or possibly present but abusive. Also at risk are children who may not physically or constitutionally fit the model images of GI Joe or Barbie, macho or feminine standards of modern youth culture for gender roles. A strong, intact, two-parent home with durable love and reliable moral compass can usually immunize growing children to any negative influences of lesser relationships beyond home and family. Molestation, however, may necessitate psychotherapy as well as a supportive, caring community to counteract the imprint of that traumatic experience. Therefore the goal of solid, stable marriage and conscientious parenting is worthy of all the best endeavors of young adults, who represent the next generation to characterize our American culture.

"And meanwhile, it behooves parents today to do their best to minimize the indoctrination of our children and grandchildren in the myths and disinformation promulgated by special interest groups with an agenda to reconstruct society into their own aberrant, abnormal, unhealthy and immoral image."

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Recruitment Strategies in Schools: 10 TOP STRATEGIES USED BY HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVISTS IN SCHOOLS

For an online book "Seven Steps To Recruit-Proof Your Child" visit: ABIDING TRUTH MINISTRIES

Myth or Truth?

Editor of the Rutland Herald:

In your editorial "Leave It Alone" published Monday, March 12, 2001 you not only excuse the availability of Vermont Civil Unions to nonresidents as a money-maker for Vermont, which is rather materialistic, but you also make the statement:

"... there is the myth that homosexuality can be “cured.” There is absolutely no reliable scientific evidence to that effect. What has been put about recently as “proof” turned out to be pretty specious. Gay people have often gone underground, and some have even engaged in heterosexual marriage. But they have not been 'cured,' and the side effects of such efforts can be devastating, such as alcoholism, spouse abuse and domestic violence."

I beg to differ. I suspect you have not done your homework, or you've read only the gay versions, written by those who have a vested interest in your perception of truth.

First of all, there is the misconception that homosexuality is a state of being, as in "This person IS a homosexual," as if this person fits a particular catagory of human gender as defined by the homosexual community (glbtq...), and that a person is most likely born that way. These are self-serving catagories and definitions as understood by and for the homosexual community.

In actual fact, homosexuality is instead a mode of behavior, so that one can be called a homosexual only in that sense, just as a person may be called a golfer, a musician, or a smoker. It does not define what a person IS in one's own being, but rather defines what a person DOES.

Secondly, while there is no reliable scientific proof of a cure for homosexuality ( just as there is no reliable proof of a cure for human depravity) there is considerable evidence that very many persons have successfully left the homosexual lifestyle. And there is no scientific evidence that alcoholism, spouse abuse and domestic violence, as you claim, are the consequences of leaving homosexuality.

There are a number of sources where one may retrieve information on the origins, consequences and options available for persons perceived to be homosexual. In Vermont, the place to start is by visiting the web site: STRAIGHT TALK IN VERMONT

I hope you will dare to publish this letter, even though it contradicts the position you have espoused. Vermont deserves uncensored dialogue on this issue.

[submitted for publication]

Children's Views of Homosexuality

Dear Editor:

The views expressed by an 11-year-old in the fall of 2000 demonstrating against Civil Unions on the Vermont State House lawn are reprehensible. Of course, he was repeating the message of his church, which teaches that "God hates homosexuals." Tragically, this viewpoint motivates and sanctifies violence against those who are perceived to be homosexual.

I've read my Bible a number of times, and I don't get that message. Rather, it assures us God loves His creatures, his "children" –all of us. But the Bible does say that homosexual intimate relations are an "abomination" to God, a behavioral pattern which ensnares and eventually destroys those who practice it. The Bible condemns this mode of behavior which brings harm, misery, and ultimate destruction of persons and relationships, just as other destructive behaviors like adultery and fornication are condemned. Morbidity and mortality statistics among those in a homosexual lifestyle bear this out; the average lifespan of practicing homosexuals is around forty years. Yet these too are God's beloved children. No wonder He condemns homosexual behavior!

Our children, at an age even younger than 11, get their cues for developing opinions and perceiving facts from their elders. A very different viewpoint was expressed by a young girl who wrote the following letter (her name is purposely omitted):

"Dear Editor:

[Signed by a Vermont girl.]

Therefore, Mr. editor, in light of the confusion experienced by our children over this adult issue, I would like to respond to the nine-year-old in a way I would respond to my own child, or grandchild. She wrote a thoughtful letter. I would also hope that other children would see this message. I trust that their mothers and/or fathers will read it together with them to answer any questions that may arise.

Dear Vermont Child,

Much of what you said in your letter is quite right. Homosexuals are human beings just like the rest of us. They are also often talented, sensitive, thoughtful persons with a number of personal gifts we can all respect and admire. We are not mad at them or hate them for who they are.

They can also be very loving persons. All of us need to love and be loved, God made us this way. Everyone needs to have at least one person they can trust, rely on, and share all the good things in life together; someone who can be there for you, and can count on you to be there for them.

Actually, my child, beyond family members, we do make choices as to whom we shall fall in love. Life partners are usually carefully chosen, and should be. We fall in love with them because they come so close to what we have already decided would make a perfect partner. They make us feel special, too, beyond what we might normally feel by ourselves alone. Human love shared makes us willing to meet all the challenges and struggles life may direct toward us, as well as the fun and happiness and good times to be experienced together.

But all of this I've said is true for all people. These are the very reasons men and women get married, with the added benefit that they can have children of their own who will share the very traits they have found in one another. There are also some folks who never marry, but find someone of their own sex with whom to share their future. These may sometimes be called spinsters (women), bachelors (men), or sometimes just best friends or buddies who really care about each other. They are not necessarily homosexuals.

Homosexuals are persons of the same sex who want to have sexual relations, which to do so is a perversion of God's gift of sexuality. It is definitely not normal, natural, or healthy. Those who do this do it for personal pleasure and sought-after intimacy, but in the long run it doesn't work. Same-sex physical intimacy goes against nature, the way God made us. It is unhealthy and unhygienic, and can also cause physical damage to tender body parts. Doctors tell us about these things, because they are asked to fix what they know they cannot heal, and cure diseases they cannot cure.

With few exceptions, homosexual lovers eventually realize that the reality of their relationship was for momentary pleasure and selfish motives. They become disillusioned, depressed, sometimes suicidal. Their togetherness falls apart, and they go seeking another partner in the vain hope their kind of intimacy will blossom into "true love." Usually it doesn't, and the cycle repeats itself. Most homosexuals have a short life-span, cut short by disease, complications from surgery, or tragically, suicide. Homosexual suicide is attributable to the dark side of the homosexual lifestyle much more than to any persecution by the society around them.

And this is what makes us mad, or angry, because no one has to be homosexual. It's not something they were born with. We are angry with those who have told the lie that these persons can't help being homosexual, when in fact the things they do and the feelings they feel have been formed into behavior patterns by a lot of things that have happened to them as they grew up. Still, they can stop their wrong behavior, but it's not easy. It's much easier to never start. By our loving people who may seem "different" is the very best way to start. But don't condone wrong behavior.

For instance, feelings most of us learn to ignore until they eventually disappear, they paid special attention to because some other people made them believe they were "different." Some had bad experiences with (usually older) persons of the opposite sex while they were growing up, and decided never to trust anyone of that sex ever again. Some saw their own family disintegrate around them in divorce, or their families were what we call "dysfunctional" because nothing ever went right for them, so they decided never to get caught in a marriage that only brings misery.

All these things that happen may not be the person's fault who eventually becomes homosexual, but the thing that really makes us angry are the persons who encourage him or her to live the homosexual lifestyle. Even teachers who have taught kids not to smoke or drink alcohol before they become adults, and not to ever abuse drugs, tell little kids to "admit you're homosexual" and then treat them as if it's a life sentence they can live with. Some TV shows, some things kids are given to read, tell the same lie. And now our Vermont government has endorsed and is encouraging the homosexual lifestyle.

Can you see why we're angry? It's not with homosexuals as such, it's with those who say that this unnatural, harmful, disastrous lifestyle is just OK. Those are the people we're angry with. It's not hate, really; it's concern and caring about other people. Too many are being hurt, too many relationships are being torn apart by this deception, and we want to do something about it. "Take Back Vermont" is a phrase for those who want to set things right as you and your friends grow up to become the future citizens of our marvelous state.

A Vermonter's Story

The following "Vermonter's Story" was sent to the Brattleboro REFORMER's Editor, and also to our Congressional Delegation (Sanders, Jeffords and Leahy) who had decried the "Uncivil Vermonters" who opposed the Civil Unions law (Act 91), accompanied by this foreword:

Honorable Gentlemen:

In response to your call for "an end to divisive politics" it's important for you to know that most Vermonters do not oppose civil unions because it allows same-sex pairs forming a household to have rights, privileges and responsibilities pertaining to the permanence of their mutually caring relationship. Rather, Act 91 is repugnant because it endorses and legitimizes homosexual behavior, which is seen as immoral, obscene, unhealthy, unnatural, and dangerous to those who practice it, as illustrated in the following story. It is this which has caused the divisiveness. We know there are thousands of ex-homosexuals who have left the lifestyle, attesting it is NOT inborn nor immutable. We are aware of the social and psychological factors involved for those who are drawn into this mode of behavior, and we do not want our children influenced further by advocates of the homosexual lifestyle, whose message is now sanctioned by Vermont statute.

Granted, some Vermonters know these things implicitly and intuitively, and may not articulate adequately their sense of its wrongness, but their basic motivation is ultimately not hate but concern for individuals and society and future generations. Please delve deeper into the facts beyond the current politically correct mythology about homosexuality, and help us deal with the real issues. It's not about hate; it's about hope and concern and greater love.

I was somewhat taken back by this native Vermonter's departure from his usually quiet and tolerant attitude. His anger obviously grew from genuine righteous indignation. He said he hopes every single one in government office, from governor on down, who supported Civil Unions is voted out of office and "run out of town --or better, out of the state!" I expect there are others who agree with him.

[submitted; publication declined]

Exchange of Letters re Accommodating or Promoting Homosexuality

Dear Editor:

We may sympathize with Justices of the Peace, Town Clerks, and other officials who for the sake of conscience can not and will not function as agents of the state endorsing homosexuality by effecting civil unions, even if they have to leave office. But at the same time the homosexual community is smug in observing that their agenda is being fulfilled in weeding out of public office anyone who would oppose them.

Therefore we can only hope and pray that these conscientious public servants and others with them will run for state office in November to replace any unrepentant incumbents who refuse to acknowledge they did not "do the right thing" by passing the Civil Unions bill which gives government sanction and endorsement to homosexuality.

Agreeing it is drastically wrong to persecute individuals who claim, or are perceived to have homosexual characteristics, most Vermonters also know for sure that homosexual behavior is wrong, and government endorsement of this perversion of the gifts of human sexuality is doubly wrong.

It is understood to be wrong by most of us for some or all of the following:
- It is contrary to religious teachings and conviction.
- It is abnormal and contrary to nature.
- It is unacceptable in other world cultures as well as our own.
- Historically, cultures which embraced it have disintegrated.
- Medically it is unhealthy, and physically it is damaging to the body.
- Personally it proves frustratingly unfulfilling.
- Psychologically it leads many to depression and often suicide.
- Mortally it leads to premature death.
- Spiritually it is deadening.

And we sure as hell don't want it taught to our children as normal and acceptable!

[submitted and published -but not published in Brattleboro]

-Responding Letter to the Editor Wednesday, July 5:

Try to become more accepting

[Signed by a Montpelier resident]

Dear Editor:

Gay activists, and their supporters, use the emotionally-charged phrase "hate language" to put down opposition of any kind to the gay agenda. Unfortunately, many among the Media are buying this ruse, and censorship of even the most positive, caring and concerned opposition to homosexual behavior, and government endorsement of such behavior, is leaving the people of Vermont with an aggregate pro-gay impression.

One significant confusion is the fact that opposition to the gay agenda and to homosexual behavior is NOT rejection of perceived homosexuals as persons. In [the above-quoted] letter July 5 [the writer] bids me "try to be more accepting." The fact is, some of the finest people I have known were convinced of their homosexuality. I have lost a lot of good friends as such. I have counseled with them when asked, I have responded to their personal crises, I have visited them in hospitals, grieved with them in their final moments, officiated at their funerals, and tried to console their families.

Never did I reject them as persons, but I can not, and I will not, accept homosexual intercourse as normal, natural, healthy and acceptable behavior. I know better, as I'm sure do most thoughtful Vermonters.

[The writer responding to my letter] seems to think that same-sex humans must be homosexual to love one another. What nonsense! Love is not restricted. But love is not sex, and sex is not love. Homosexual intimacy is a perversion of human sexuality.

I, too, would want children to learn to accept all people as fellow human beings with many and diverse differences. But homosexuality is not a state of being, it is a mode of behavior. Literally thousands of former homosexuals attest to the possibility of change to normal heterosexuality, even though they had at one time been convinced that their homosexuality was "the way they were made."

Children need to learn how to distinguish between personal diversity and behavioral diversity, and that persons are not inherently bad, but that some behaviors are. I will do my utmost to see that our children are not taught that homosexual behavior is a natural and acceptable option, and especially not that it is a "given" over which an individual has no recourse. It's consequences are horrendous. (The phrase "sure as hell" is an intentionally theological statement.) So you see, this is not a hate message, it's sincere concern for the coming generation.

[submitted for publication]

The following was received via email and is here included in its entirety:

‘Ex-Gays’ Challenge ‘Dear Abby’
Compassion Lacking in Advice to Homosexual Struggler

Editor’s note: The daily advice column Dear Abby on January 18, 2002, contained these heartfelt letters and “Abby’s” appallingly misleading answer. We asked several former homosexuals and the leader of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays to respond. Their letters follow the “Abby” excerpt. The Dear Abby Web site explains authorship this way: “Pauline Phillips and Jeanne Phillips share the pseudonym Abigail Van Buren and make up the mother-daughter partnership that co-creates the most popular advice column in the world — known for its uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.”

Gay Man's Dream of Family Could Turn into Nightmare

DEAR ABBY: Please reprint a letter you ran a few years ago from a gay man who was single, but wanted to be straight so he could fulfill his dream of marrying and having children.

I am a 38-year-old married gay man. I am having a very difficult time dealing with this issue. My wife and I are being divorced. The truth came out after I went into rehab after becoming addicted to prescription pain medication.

I realize I have made a mess of everything. I love my wife of 15 years, but I am unable to love her the way she deserves. — BETTER OFF OUT

DEAR BETTER OFF: I have had many requests for that letter since it originally appeared, and I'm pleased to print it again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'll get right to the point — I am gay, but I don't like being gay. I want a wife and children. I also have a career in which further advancement would be very difficult if it becomes known that I am gay. Psychiatrists and other therapists I have consulted have tried to help me to adjust to my homosexuality rather than help me to change.

Abby, adjusting to homosexuality is fine for those who have accepted their homosexuality, but I have not. I know I'd be happier straight. Please help me. — UNHAPPY

DEAR UNHAPPY: Did you choose to be homosexual? If so, you could choose to be “straight.” But if you have always had erotic feelings for men instead of women, then face it, you are homosexual -—and even though you may be able to change your behavior, you will not be able to change your feelings.

Some therapists insist that if a homosexual is sufficiently motivated, he or she can become “straight” again. Maybe so, but the chances are slim. Marrying and having children may make you happier, but what about the other people you involve?

To thine own self be true. Only then will you find true happiness.

Responses:

From Stephen Bennett of Stephen Bennett Ministries:

Dear Abby,

What horrible advice from a so-called mother and daughter team who, according to your Web site, make up “the most popular advice column in the world — known for its uncommon common sense and youthful perspective.” I'll buy the “youthful perspective” part — for that's where I believe much of the problem lies.

For this dear man UNHAPPY, who is crying out from the true pain and torment of his undesired homosexual feelings, your callous and insensitive words “face it, you are homosexual” shock me — and typify the “ways and thoughts” of the world versus the “ways and thoughts” of God.

Isaiah 55:9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

As far as your own answer — “...To thine own self be true. Only then will you find true happiness” — would you give the same advice to a drug addict whose $300 a day cocaine habit was destroying his family and his life? “Face it, you are a drug addict.”

What about to the alcoholic wife and mother who couldn't put down the bottle? ... to the teen entrapped by pornography on the Internet? ...to the cheating spouse who “couldn't” keep away from the extra-marital affairs?

I am a 38-year-old man who WAS a practicing homosexual until I came into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My story WAS the same as UNHAPPY's. I desired a wife and family, but couldn't break free from my unwanted homosexual desires, countless homosexual encounters and relationships. In the end, I was even deeply “in love” with another man, who I thought would be my partner for life. In 1992, when my emotional struggle to get rid of my homosexual desires came to a point of decision, I thank God I did not write to you and your column for advice.

Today, 10 years later, I am happily married almost nine years to a beautiful Christian woman who knew me as a homosexual and never stopped praying for me. I have never been more happy or fulfilled. My wife is everything and so much more than I could ever have dreamed of. We also have two beautiful children, a 3-1/2-year-old girl and a 1-1/2-year-old boy. God has answered my prayers. He gave me the desires of my heart. My many years of living as a homosexual — unhappy, unsatisfied, unfulfilled and empty — are behind me. I realized the homosexual life was nothing but a counterfeit of what God's perfect desire and plan was for me. My days of living as a homosexual “playing house and pretending to be married to my boyfriend” are over. Today, I have the real thing. Only by God's grace, I no longer have homosexual thoughts, desires or fantasies.

Every day that I hold my little children and look into their eyes, or kiss my wife goodnight lying by my side — I thank the Lord in tears for His love and life-changing power. Through Jesus Christ, I have been restored and made new.

2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

Dear UNHAPPY — homosexuals CAN change. If we all followed Dear Abby's advice of “to thine own self be true,” what a mess we'd all be in. Look to God's Word for the answers you are seeking. Trust in the Lord — he can make you new and give you the desires of your heart. Jesus Christ truly is the way.

Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Stephen Bennett
www.SBMinistries.org

Response from Regina Griggs, National Director of Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays:

Dear Abby,

The ability of people to change is not slim. No one is born “gay.” In the April 27, 1998, edition of Time magazine, gay scientist Dr. Dean Hamer, whose 1993 chromosomal study was widely mispublicized as the discovery of a “gay gene, admitted that he was unable to find one. Scientists have not produced a single study showing the existence of a ”gay gene.“ The few studies that indicate even a possible correlation have not been replicated, which is crucial for establishing scientific validity.

Dr. Hamer himself said that environment was a major factor in the formation of sexual desires. Dr. Robert Spitzer, who in 1973 was instrumental in removing homosexuality as a disorder from the American Psychiatric Association’s treatment manual, issued a study on May 9, 2001, indicating that people can leave homosexuality. Dr. Spitzer is a scientist at Columbia University, a member of the APA and an atheist. He also believes in protecting the rights of patients to seek change.

Some in the psychiatric and psychological professions seek to criminalize such counseling. Please help us stop the ex-gay phobia and harassment perpetrated against those who seek change or have changed.

The truth is that change is possible. At www.pfox.org you'll find testimonies and links to several organizations offering help, including several spouse-support groups run by happily married men and women who did change.

Regina Griggs
Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays (P-FOX)

Letter from Jim Hanes:

Dear Abby,

With all due respect, I must question your advice to the married gentleman who was having homosexual thoughts. You suggested that he was born with the inward desire to have sex only with men (that’s what homosexuality is about) and that he should leave his wife behind and embrace his sexual fantasies.

What about the other people in this man’s life? He has a wife, family and certain responsibilities. In the past, you’ve scorned men for leaving their wives for another woman, yet you’ve given this man “Carte Blanche” to leave his. You’ve shamed men who were addicted to pornography (and that in a way is as much of an “affair”), but with this man you’ve let him off the hook, guilt-free. Why the double standard?

Divorce is not always the answer, as you’ve contended in other columns. This man has a wife who loves him and he loves her. That’s a good place to start. There are many organizations, clergy and professionals who have been able to help restore marriages and families. It seems that because this man’s sexual desire is for the same sex, you’re ready to throw in the towel and turn a blind eye to the harsh realities of divorce. You’ve chosen to accept tearing a family apart so that the husband/father can enter a physically dangerous and emotionally unstable sexual practice.

I ask you to reconsider giving homosexuality preferential treatment. Divorce is divorce, whether it’s over homosexuality, pornography or any other sin in marriage. Its hidden victims are the family left behind. Before this man is torn away from those he loves, consider giving him the same advice you would give to any man who is having a problem with sexual thoughts (sex addicts anonymous, marriage therapy, counseling from the church, etc). It’s never too late. I know, because I was once that man. Now, nearly five years later, I’m free from those thoughts, desires and feelings. My marriage is loving, strong and unfailing. And I’m father to a little boy. God can change any heart, even those with homosexual feelings. Give marriage a chance, Abby.

Sincerely,
Jim Hanes
Maryland

Another Ex-Gay to Abby: You’ve Got It All Wrong

Dear Abby,

I am an ex-gay man. I spent most my young adult life in the trap of homosexuality. Nine of those years, I was an “out” gay political activist. I publicly spouted the rhetoric that I was born homosexual and I worked to ignore thousands of years of successful family history to force society to accept what I later came to discover was a disorder. I spent years trying to justify the same-sex desires that I despised.

Growing up, I had a physically abusive father and a hypercritical mother. A 13-year-old boy introduced me to sex when I was 10. It was the first time another male showed me affection instead of abuse.

I am a nurse, and I watched 100 of my friends and acquaintances die of AIDS before I stopped counting. UNHAPPY did not need DEAR ABBY to enable the gender identity disorder that is making him miserable. He needed to know that a disorder can be put into order with help and a desire to heal. NO ONE is born gay. There is no scientific, biological or genetic evidence that substantiates that claim. Absolutely NONE!

The American Psychiatric Association made an egregious error when it removed homosexuality from its list of disorders in 1973. The change was not based on science or medicine but on the spurious political agenda of some of the APA’s homosexual members.

Modern psychiatric medicine has based much of its conclusions on the failed, fairy-tale quackery of sex researcher Alfred C. Kinsey and the institute that bears his name.

ABBY, you only helped enable UNHAPPY to go down the dead-end path of self-destructive behavior that is homosexuality. Your readers deserve better.

Gregory Quinlan

President, Pro-Family Network, an Ohio-based Christian family advocacy group.