OLD AGE HUMOUR
The Over The Hill Club
Scroll down for the full list of things you thought you'd forgotten!.
I've learned a lot about life - let me pass it on to you..................
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:
a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Cars had little flip-up yellow turn signals.
Your Mum used to heat a flat iron on the stove to iron with.
You know what I.T.M.A. means.
You could listen to records before you bought them.
You got two films, a newsreel, and trailers, all for 1/6.
A pint of best bitter cost two bob.
The local 'chips with anything' cafe charged you tuppence to use their ketchup.
Sundays with Billy Cotton, Educating Archie, and Sunday Night At The Palladium.
They had plays on the radio.
Dick Barton Special Agent, and someone named Paul Temple.
You know who Dan Dare is.
You went spud picking for 9d an hour of a bob a bushel.
Milk was delivered to your doorstep. (still is in some places)
Fish & Chips actually did come on greaseproof paper but in old newspapers.
Lunch was called dinner and dinner was called tea.
You know what a charabanc is.
You knew how to lay lino, insulated with newspapers underneath.
The toilet was outside, and you had to take a candle, and use old newspapers.
You had a bath once a week
You could ride a bus for tuppence and you got coloured tickets from a white man. Now it's a roll of white tickets from a coloured man!
You used carbolic soap.
You learned all about sex from playground rumours. Never at home or on the radio.
You could go to the pub with a jug and fetch your Dad a jug of ale.
Saturday morning pictures with the Bowery Boys and Riders Of The Purple Sage.
Catapults and peashooters.
You sang 'All things bright and beautiful all creatures great and small' at school most days.
The tallyman, and the man from the Pru.
You had a front room for 'company' only. And locked.
Every morning began with the BBC and that tune from 'Housewives Choice'.
Gas stoves and gaslight, with shilling meters, and your 'rebate' after the gasman called.
You used ink from ink wells at school.
You kept a front door key on a string inside the letter box - like everyone else.
Sticklebacks, minnows, stinging nettles, and cardboard to cover the holes in your shoes.
You know what scrumping means.
You never heard anyone swear much.
Smoking was okay. And the posh wore 'smoking jackets' because of the smell of tobacco.
You lived in a council house or in rented rooms.
You wore short pants until you were ten.
Woodbines were sold in little open packets of five.
Crisps had a blue bag of salt in them.
You sat around a small fireplace, and your Mum got funny shaped riggles on her legs.
You never had a fridge - nothing sat around long enough to need to be cold stored.
The clock in the front room always seemed to make a loud, comforting tick.
Sweets came in big jars and you could buy two ounces.
You play Bingo a lot and join The Legion
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When all you can remember about the Britain you left are all the very worse things, which helps you justify why you left your family and heritage in the first place.
You carried a gas mask everywhere.
A policeman would knock on your door to tell you a light was showing.
The local policeman WALKED everywhere.
Eggs were 3d a dozen and were ALWAYS farm fresh - free range.
Teachers often rapped your knuckles with a ruler when misbehaving.
If you were a bad lad in class you were often told to sit next to a girl.
We had no allergies except 'spring fever' and were just 'tired out', not 'stressed'.
Sleep came naturally, usually after a real full days work.
Dreams suddenly begin to repeat themselves!
Most people you meet you'd swear you met them somewhere else recently.
Life today just doesn't match up to life yesterday.
You stop taking out long magazine subscriptions!
It was never as hot, or as cold, in the past, as it is today.
When all the folks you know today are more bitchy and spiteful than they were then.
We never drove that fast
WHAT NOT TO WEAR section: It used to be blue rinse hair, tights over bulging thighs, or a belt with bingo markers carried like gun shells. Now the 'never-say-die' pensioners among us have turned it up a notch. The following was seen in various old age communities and was reported to this website:
A nose ring with bifocals.
Spiked hair with bald spots.
A pierced tongue with dentures.
Miniskirt with support hose.
Ankle bracelet with corn pads.
Speedo's and cellulite.
A belly button ring and a gall bladder scar.
Unbuttoned disco shirt over a heart monitor.
An electric motorised get-about with 'eat my dust' on the back.
Midriff shirt with a big midriff bulge.
Bikini with sun tanned liver spots.
Short shorts and varicose veins.
In-line skates whilst holding a walker.
Thongs and Depends.
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