BY: SYDNEY ABBOTT

Forks = Males

Spoons = Females

Sporks = Hermaphrodites aka both

Knives = Asexual aka neither

-Explanations-

Forks: they are males because they have sharp pointy things.. which signify.. male uh "you know".. uh never mind..

Spoons: they are females because they have NO sharp pointed things.. signifying.. uh female parts.. yea...

Sporks: they are hermaphrodites, cause umm it has both, umm pointed things, and non-pointed thingies.. hehehe... *devilish grin*

Knives: they are neither aka asexual cause they have neither pointed nor unpointed things.

-"Utensils have feelings too"-

since utensils have human genders, they are like people and people have feelings and emotions. So if you listen very closely everytime you use an eating utensil you can hear it scream (very very softly) so you must be very careful when eating with one. Respect their feelings. -Behind the insanity- All of this was thought up when I was eating dinner one night, I asked myself: "What if eating utensils had feelings, and what genders are they?" I told all of this to a friend of mine, who demanded that I write a paper. Complete with bibliography and footnotes. Since I have no idea what footnotes are I will just skip those. Yes I was bored, Yes I have no life, No you do not need to tell me. I never claimed to be sane. ^_^

-Bibliography-

Sydney's brain at dinner time. Seriously.

-Author's note-

I really have no idea why I thought of this, I guess I was affected with a particularly strong case of boredome or something, I dunno. But please don't think I'm too terribly insane. Yes I know this should really be at the beginning, so sue me. ^_^ well that pretty much concludes my theory.

THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM PETEU (PEOPLE FOR THE ETHICAL TREATMENT OF EATING UTENSILS) JOIN TODAY.

oh really? you better not laugh at me.. i see you do! down with the circus peanuts! SHMOO!! THEY LIE! ALL OF THEM LIARS!!!!!!!! WAAAAH! do you question my cheese nip? how dare you question the almighty cheese nip!? evil child!