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Band Dictionary
AIR: What can be found under your band conducters toupee and skull.
ALTO SAXOPHONE: A musical instrument that either plays very loud or not at all between squeaks.
ASTROTURF: A substance found on some football fields causing great tumoil among band members
AUXILIARY: See color-guard.
BAND CAMP*: A time of gathering between most band geeks (including color guard) for six days during August where they learn how to hunt raccoons and sneak out of cabins in search of real food (such as the magic cola machine)
BAND GEEK: Somone who is willing to give up all free time and sense of purpose for band.
BAND PARTY: A gathering of Band Geeks where they can wear their Band Jackets, play cards and capture-the-flag, and complain about the latest rehearsal and upcoming competitions.
BARI-SAXOPHONE: An instrument for woodwind saxophone players who want to play like a tuba.
BARITONE: 1. A device for doubling with trombones except not using the right notes. Also can be used to sit and make people look useful when they aren't.
BASS CLARINET: A concert instrument that, when used properly, is still not heard.
BASSOON: An unusual hybrid between a bass clarinet and oboe which appears to be a rocket launcher.
BATHROOM OF DOOM: An object designed to really get to know the people (and their characteristic smells) in the back of the bus.
BRASS: Metallic looking and sounding devices designed to over-blow and blast.
BRASS TREE: A tree located near the marching field where brass members go after they utter the all-important meaning-of-life phrase: "I gotta go..."
BUS: 1. A good way to get to know someone (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, if you know what I mean), however the most painful way in the world to watch a movie.
2. The only way to see a pigeon at 65 MPH.
CD'S: Thin circular devices with a 5.25" diameter and a hole in the middle that are manufactured by companies such as Microsoft, Apple, and America Online to be used for bus rides missing that special someone.
CHERRY COKE: A liquid substance which is almost as important to Band Geeks as valve oil and sombreros, although it is drunk in larger quantities than valve oil.
CIRCLE OF SOUND: What your band director will tell you to remember but it ends up being a spiked ball and chain... thanx trombones.
CLARINET: A device which, when used properly, will cause the user's shoulders to point towards the end-zone.
COLLAR: Something thy hair shalt never toucheth.
CONCERT: Extremely dangerous way to show off all the skills you learn in band such as making paper airplanes and if brass player, blowing really really hard.
CONDUCTOR: The person in the front who waves his arms and dances wildly to the music. Constantly marks time during halts.
DIRECTOR: The person who claims to be in charge when everything is going well and claims denial when things go wrong.
DISKETTES: Devices made to be thrown in a similar style to that of a Frisbee across the marching field prior to rehearsals. This action can also be done with CD's.
DOLLAR BILL: A device for cleaning saxophone pads.
DOUBLE REED: A good way to make a band member's face look like they just ate a lemon.
DRILL: Pages that show what a form is supposed to look like. Should be burned at year's end.
DRUM CORPS: Very similar to marching band, except for a few differences: 1)They are good. 2)No woodwinds. Coincidence?
DRUM-TAP: A snare beat loud enough for the judges to hear, and quiet enough so band doesn't hear.
DRUM MAJOR: See conductor.
DRUM: Round hollow devices with covering on the top and sometimes the bottom. Loud.
DYNAMICS: Difference in olume of instrument, If woodwind you play mute, piano, or squeaky If brass you play loud, louder or really really loud
EARLY: To never be. Reasoning: To be early is to be on time, while to be on time is to be late, but to be late is to never be. Following this through, early is to never be.
ECHO: What a band geek should hear after a good cut-off. I'm not sure what it sounds like, though, so I can't explain it.
EXPONENTIAL GROWTH: The mathematical reasoning behind the fact that when one flute graduates, two new freshmen take her place.
F.C.P.L.: A brass dynamic marking that stands for "Forget Control - Play Loud!"
FLUTE: An un-tuned device for people who want to be in the band who have weak arms and don't wish to be heard. Great for very odd guys though. Also known as the stick of death
FORMER BAND GEEK: The name given to a person who was in band, quit, and now returns (usually with food) to rehearsals to watch just for fun.
FORTE: The lowest dynamic marking a brass instrument can play at.
FRENCH HORN: Only brass instrument that is played with left hand. Involves strings in conjunction with valves and an impossibility to play fast or loud.
FRESHMEN: Designed to make up half the size of the band.
GEEKDOM: The state of a band member who is willing to give up all free time during season.
GEEKISM: Something that is related to marching band which spontaneously happens (such as walking with friends down the hall in step or whistling warm-ups or scales without thinking about it).
HALT: A time when everyone is theoretically stopped.
HELL: Inferno, Saturday rehearsals, and camp food.
HORN-POP: A method the keep the pit from going completely deaf when brass instruments pass directly behind them by pointing bells toward the sky. Not recommended for flutes or clarinets.
INSTRUCTOR: Person who tells you when you're screwing up.
INSTRUMENT: A device used for torture.
MARCHING BARITONE: A version of a baritone created based on enhancements over the successful design of a Marching French Horn.
MARCHING FRENCH HORN: An instrument designed to be unable to tune, kill all freshman who attempt to keep the horn up, and make it impossible to snap.
MELLOPHONE: See marching french horn
MELODY: The loudest voice, usually carried by the trumpets or piccolos.
MEZZO-FORTE: The highest dynamic marking of any woodwind excluding the piccolo.
MOUTHPIECE: A critical piece to a brass instrument which is meant to be dropped or thrown onto stage causing annoying noises
MUSIC: 1. Papers which contain little black lines and dots with strange symbols that somehow show what the music is to sound like. 2. The succession of these notes that, in theory, should sound good. Unfortunately, we're not all in Theory - we're in band.
NOTES: Little round dots on lines that show the approximate pitch that the instrument player tries to hit.
OBOE: An instrument which causes the player to think it is the rest of the band who is out of tune and not he/she
PENCIL TEST: A test, often failed by freshmen, designed to help bell-front instrument players keep their horns up and even with the ground.
PEP BAND: An ensemble that goes to football and basketball games with the sole purpose of annoying everyone. Slouching, sitting around, and eating is aloud. Sombreros are expected.
PEP BAND UNIFORM: white shirt and sombrero
PERCUSSION: The group of instruments hit by sticks or mallets that keeps some beat or other.
PICCOLO: A high-pitched instrument similar to that of the flute, only you can actually hear that it's out of tune.
PIGEONS: A truly unique bird that has only one known natural enemy: The windshield of a bus at 65 MPH.
PRACTICE†: The constant repetition of a sequence of notes in an unsuccessful attempt to become skilled. Usually drives family members either away from home or insane.
PSEUDO-GEEK: Somebody who isn't in band but thinks he is. Attends band parties, competitions, and rehearsals. This is not to be confused with a former band geek, or graduated band geek. See also wannabe band geek.
PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION (P.D.A.): A touchy (literally), debatable subject among band geeks. Something that happens regardless of what rules exist or peer pressure is made on people. Something that happens on the bus, in the stands, during water breaks, before and after rehearsals, during lunch and dinner breaks, on the Band Table, at Band Parties, and just about anywhere else where the rest of the band is forced to watch a couple be disgustingly cutesy together.
RAIN: Nature's way of telling the band to go inside and practice music.
REED: 1. A piece of wood that makes a great excuse for not playing well (particularly for brass instruments) if broken or brand new. Usage's: "Sorry, new reed," or "I broke my reed." 2. A device used to efficiently cut one's finger.
REHEARSAL†: Time used by band geeks to forget anything learned during practice.
RESETTING: Definitions vary by sections. Woodwind: Wander aimlessly for 3 minutes and talk quietly. Brass: Run as fast as you can back to your set yelling at the top of your lungs and slipping in the mud then laughing. Battery: Wander and swear as you walk slowly back to your set. Colorguard: Prance back to your set and avoid getting hit by stupid, yelling brass players. Pit: Sit there and laugh your @$$ off while you watch this 3 minutes of confusion.
SECRET PALS: Designated person who gives candy, drinks, toys, and wishes of good luck to another member of the band. The cover is "band unity," but it's really an excuse to get good stuff!
SENIOR: A source of constant guilt trips.
SFZ-PIANO-CRESCENDO: The act of blatting, stopping, then blasting.
SITTING-AROUND: An action carried out when sitting on busses on in sands, in which band members rely on perpetual motion to keep from sitting in the same place for more than 30 seconds.
SLOUCHING: An action best displayed by the Pep Band and concert bands. Even if it's bad for playing, it's great for the back!
SOMBREROS: 1. A form of status symbolism or intensity; An expression of rank. 2. A required piece of the Pep Band uniform. 3. Accepted dress at Band Parties.
SPACE-CHORD: A chord where each member plays whatever note he feels like. Used so that band members (especially freshmen who aren't used to us) get used to what we sound like.
SQUEAK: The only sign that the woodwind reeds give that they are actually playing.
STANDING: What the brass-line does at band camp. Woodwinds do not accomplish this feat due to their weak legs (in most cases). There are a few exceptions to this weakness, but they don't stand anyway.
STRETCH OUT: A term geeks frequently misunderstand as "time to talk".
TEMPO: The correct beat, usually (but not always) changed by the power of the trombone section
TENOR-SAXOPHONE: The only woodwind instrument you can hear, but only when trombones and barritone are not playing since they use the same pitch.
TRUMPET: An instrument that is meant to be played as loud and out of tune as possible at all times.
TROMBONE: An instrument designed for making the rest of the band feel like they have no purpose since they can't be heard when the trombone section is playing.
TUBA: A giant piece of brass usually lacking its original shape due to the number of dents.
TUNE: What the condition when all instruments are within half a step of each other is called.
VALVE: A key object on most brass instruments that sticks only during important performances and solos.
VALVE OIL: Exquisitely tasteful with a twist of lemon. A form of currency for brass players. Most important ingredient to a beverage known as "Valve Oil Daiquiri."
WANNABE BAND GEEK: Someone who hangs out with true band geeks.
WATER BREAK: An excuse for doing headstands on the field or playing hacky-sack.
WOODWINDS: 1. A true sign that God has a sense of humor. 2. A biological mistake.
YELLING: An expressive way of trying to prove that one is more committed than the next person. This is a self-destructive way of spending any rehearsal, yet we seem to continue in this practice more and more. This is often connected with "the vibe" and being intense.
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