Oh Cana Derrrrr!
'Don't forget the Canadians' comes the cry of scores of readers, America is not the only country to do really dorkey things. So, for a short while we'll put Canada onto the dorky, dopey, did-we-really-do-that ....derrrr - map!
DISNEY POOH POOH'S WINNIE
The Disney organisation has pulled the plug on Winnipegs annual 'Pooh Appreciation Week' after only four years of sponsorship. Disney had poured millions into staging the Winnie the Pooh celebrations but the returns were dismal. Seems Winnipegers just can't get a handle on this very special connection to their town. I lived in Winnipeg in the late 1960's and no one cared a bear's a*** for Winnie the Pooh. They didn't like the 'English' connection. Briefly, in case you didn't know, the story of Winnie the Pooh had its start in Winnipeg during the first world war. A soldier took the regimental mascot over to London, a brown bear, which he named Winnie after 'Winnipeg.' A.J.Milne took his children to London Zoo, saw the bear, and began his now famous story. Finally, in the early 1980's's they put up a statue to Winnie (only after Winnie became famous the world over) and Winnipeg suddenly sat up and took an interest. Better late than never! Even Uncle Disney took an interest. But, like a lot of things Canadian it just dawdled and finally went clunk. Sad.
NO 'GRAND NATIONAL' SAYS CANADIAN TV - IT'S MUCH TOO CRUEL!
Once again, the greatest horserace of its kind, the Grand National, watched by 740 million people on worldwide TV has been banned from television screens in Canada due to its 'animal cruelty.' Every country in the world including the U.S. (yes Canada THEY watch it) watch this great four & half mile steeplechase. This year it was won by Amberleigh House, 16-1, and trained by Ginger McCain the trainer of the three time winner Red Rum. All the 39 horses returned safely & unhurt to the stables. The Canadians don't like seeing horses fall, or Canadian baby seals being bashed to death, that is also banned on TV. They do allow viewers to watch players stop ice hockey games whilst they bash each other nearly senseless, with one getting a broken neck recently. But horses, going over fences. Nahhhh. Way too sensitive for Canadians. Pity.
PLACING A BET IS A DYSLECTIC NIGHTMARE.
Canada, like its neighbour the US, has a weird, back to front way of listing sports fixtures. They have a coupon in Canada (run by the lottery) where you can select a team to win at home, draw, or win away from home, only trouble is - you put the away win mark in the left column, and the home win mark in the far right column, just right of the centre column, where you put the draw mark. Got that? So many people are making errors, thinking they're marking the home team in the first column that the lottery is trying to figure out what's wrong with their marking system. Could be the same as that voting system in Florida! Derrrrrr!
GET THOSE CROSSES OFF YOUR HOT CROSS BUNS - NOW!
A commercial bakery that delivers its goods to over a hundred stores in the upper Fraser Valley of British Columbia was challenged by a non-Christain group as to why they have Christain crosses on their Easter 'hot cross buns.' Rather than create a public media fuss they quietly took the crosses off their buns! Now you can buy their 'hot no-cross buns." Only in Canada!
CANADIANS HAVE A FIXATION WITH UNCLE SAM
Canadians love their Americam neighbours. And the average Canadian is a Yank in all but name. When Uncle Sam sneezes a few million Canadians send him Kleenex. When 9-11 happened the local firefighters in Vancouver were literally in tears over so many of their counterparts in another country losing their lives that day. Understandable. But what happened next was an embarrasment to the Canadian firefighters. The Vancouver firefighters collected $670,000 in donations in a few short weeks, some of their own firefighters donating $5,000 to $10,000, all to help the 9-11 fund. They flew down to New York with the certified cheque. They waited. A quick handshake, a quick thanks, and the cheque-bearers were on their way home. No fanfare. The New York firefighters could not believe the amount - just from one Canadian city. It was quite staggering. Nearly as big as their own fund. But then, when it comes to Canadians going ga-ga over anything American, it's wallets open and let's show our 'brothers' how much we care. Can you imagine how much, if anything, would be donated if it had happened in London! Where's London eh?
JUST LIKE A SKIT FROM A CANADIAN TV FARCE SHOW
Canadians love their politics and their Ad Agencies! Politics is the be all and end all of their whole existence. Politicians change sides with such frequency it's called the 'Ottawa Two Step.' But what has transpired recently in the corridors of power in the country's capital can go straight onto one of Canada's TV farce shows - without any rewriting. Over $250 million paid out to Ad Agencies, some made-up just to get the grants, has revealed just how corrupt and arrogant the Canadian Liberal government is. $1 million was paid to an Ad Agency; you know those overpaid, overrated, morons who interupt our lives with TV ads and junk mail, to pass on to the RCMP's 'travelling horse show.' The RCMP got four horses! Yes. The rest went into the pockets of the Ad Agency, or as they like to call them in Ottawa, the 'Sponsors'! It all happened over the last two years during the now retired premier Jean Chretein's reign - who said to inquiring media, 'I'm too tired to think anymore.'!! Pity.
CANADA'S GROUND HOG DAY A POOR SHADOW OF UNCLE SAMS!
Canadians copy just about everything the U.S. does or is, and Uncle Sam celebrates something called 'Ground Hog Day' on February 2nd whereby a hibernating ground hog pokes his head out of his hole and if he sees his shadow then winter will last another 6 weeks. Canada copies this American celebration (invent your own things Canada) but adds its own addled interpretation. On the same day an overweight albino woodchuk in a wire cage, sitting on a pile of straw, was prodded by a costumed twerp trying to make the woodchuk - what was he trying to get the creature to do!? - move or something. A few other costumed twerps (Canadians love dressing up for some reason) giggled and the whole thing came to an embarrasing end! Derrrrrr!
ANNOUNCER FORGETS 'UNFORGETABLE' RAP SINGERS NAME!
'On our local morning TV news programme' writes several readers, 'a news announcer was going on and on about a rap singer being up for many Grammy awards saying, 'if you haven't heard of this rap artist then you must be living in a cave in Tibet' when she then completely forgot his name!' Derrrrr! This morning news show is shown throughout British Columbia every morning and has at least a 'Derr A Day' - don't miss it. It is on Global TV/BCTV.
|
