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Old Songs - New Words - New Meanings!

If you're over 60, and you're from Britain, you'll remember these songs for the words they should have. Trouble is, now you're an old fart the words mean so much more!


Julie Andrews recently gave a sold-out concert at Carnegie Hall in New York. As the audience were people who could easily identify with her age and era she changed the words to her popular song 'My Favourite Things' and brought the house down! She took countless curtain calls that took five minutes.
 
'My Favourite Things.'

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things..

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache,
when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.


RECOGNIZE THESE SONGS?!

Herman's Hermits
...... 'Mrs. Brown You've Got A Lovely Walker'
...... 'I'm Into Something Gruel'

Shirley Bassey
...... 'As Long As He Sees Me'
...... 'Oldfinger'

The Beatles
...... 'I Get By With A Little Help From Depends'
...... 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Farts Club Band'
...... 'Day Dripper'
...... 'Stool On The Hill'

Englebert Humperdinck
...... 'Please Re - Grease Me'
...... 'Red Pails In The Sunset'

Cilla Black
...... 'Anyone Who Had A Fart'
...... 'You've Lost That Groping Feelin'

Matt Munro
...... 'Born 'n-03'
...... 'My Love And A Motion'

Vince Hill
...... 'Idle Guys'
...... 'Look Around And You'll Find Me Bare'

Guy Mitchell
...... 'She Wears Red Feathers And A Surgical Skirt'
...... 'I Work In A London Morgue'

Gerry Marsden
...... 'Don't Let The Sun Catch You Prying'
...... 'Jelly - 'Cross My Jersey'

The Searchers
...... 'Love Potion Number 8,499'
...... 'Silence Is Olden'

The Rolling Stones
...... 'I Can't - Get No - Constipation'
...... 'You Can't Always Pee When You Want'

Tom Jones
...... 'It's Quite Unusual'
...... 'The Green Box, Brass and Chrome'

Sandie Shaw
...... 'Always Something In Them To Remind Me'

Max Bygraves
...... 'New Hips From Amsterdam'

Dave Clark Five
...... 'Catch Me On My Pan'

Manfred Mann
...... 'Do Wah Diddy Piddly'

Petula Clark
...... 'Frown - Gown'

Billy J Kramer & The Dakotas
...... 'Pains and Bloats and Strains'
...... 'Needles and Syringes'

The Swingin' Blue Jeans
...... 'The Hippy Hippy Break'



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