YOU ARE NO LONGER FAT, PUDGIE, BIG BONED, OVERWEIGHT, STOUT, OR CHUBBY. YOU ARE OBEASE, FACE IT, ACCEPT IT AND ATTACK IT!!!!!!!
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About Me
How Many Pounds until I am happy, how many pounds until I am thin? Three more pounds until I am skinny, three more pounds till I win.~Ana Quote
I have had a pretty hard life. At 5 years old I was adopted. My real mom walked out of my life...and just signed the rights over to my adoptive mom...but yet she kept my brother for a bit longer...and has had other kids that she kept. As a young kid...I was always quite and helpful in anyway that I could be. I never asked for much and did not want to take up there time. Mom and Dad I think was the best parents they gave me lots of love and support...but no matter what I do I feel like nothing is ever right. No matter what, I feel I cannot pay them back for taking me into there home and treating me like there own. In June of 2001 I joined the military...and my dad walked out on mom. I felt it was my fault cause if I did not leave maybe he wouldn't have. I tried everything to bring him back, but he never came back. I feel like shit cause I no longer talk to him and I miss him a lot. I got back home in Aug 2001 from boot camp...To find out that news. I did not want to come to my unit. I was depressed...I did not eat, I constantly cried, I wanted to just not wake up and so on...I got sent to a psychologist and they put me on meds. but I did not stay on them...Maybe 2-3 months later I started adjusting to this place and I was okay. I kept in my mind that if I wanted to make them proud just stay in the military and not to get kicked out. After that in probably around March I found something that made me feel better...I would binge and purge. It made all the anger and hurt just go numb for a little bit, but I would always feel like crap afterwards. I have always had a low self imagine and around here all you here about was skinny girls and stuff like that I I started to restrict a few months back...but I usually binge so I gota purge. I am not the happiest person and if I could donate my organs so another person could live I would. I am not saying I have a eating disorder like most people say they have...I am not skin and bones...maybe soon I will be...hopefully I will disappear...but until then I will continue to hate me and my life.
Erica
Highest Weight~163 Current Weight~Not Low enough Goal Weight~99 Height~5ft7inches
Favorite Quote: Pain is Weakness leaving the body.~USMC
My Advice to ppl without a ED~A ED is not as glamorous as people Make it out to be. If you think you are starting a diet and you say to yourself I'll skip lunch today or whatever~DON'T! No matter how much weight you loose you'll never be happy. Thinness doesn’t bring instant happniess..you have to have some kind of self value and love yourself to be happy. You of course you will feel that power that you can do it, and your all happy. It won't last. After a while you feel like a couple of carrots is a sin and that you are worthless and you feel you are just a lazy pig that dose not try hard enough. You do not get a ED over night. Surely you will not see the whole side of a ED in a week either. Diet a healthy way...even a stupid fad diet, but don't go trying to make yourself have a ED..ITS JUST PLAIN OUT STUPID!!!! Do you really wanta wreck the life that you do have???? GRRRRRRRR....it angers me to see so many people out there constantly trying to get a ED. I personally think a ED involves more than weight..it to me is a form of punishment , for being me. Its one of those things that when all else fails you can fall back on your ED. Cause that’s the only thing you can control. I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but its what I think...I am sick of getting emails saying what can I do to become Ana? I am not going to teach anyone to become sick...no way. So please just go to some other website that post tips and ask them. I will not give tips...its bad enough to live through this so I be dag on if I am going to give tips to wanta be Anas/Mias to make them hate there selves. But anyways I am ranting..so don't mind me, but for heavens sake if you do not have a ED please go else where.
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